Hesitation, Apprehension

Last night, amidst the chattering and hollering of my fellow sots, I became fidgety about Africa. My friend Justin, whom we lovingly refer to as Jud, opined to me his trepidation concerning my very near Peace Corps duty. He knows I am very tight with my family. He knows I will be all right, but he also acknowledged how hard it would be. That is comforting, yet disconcerting in a way. My friend Chinh, who taught English in Vietnam for a while, has also told me how hard it was, how you don't have the same support network in-country when you are, let's put it, in-your-country.

To leave things behind is not how I choose to look at my upcoming adventure. I look towards the future, toward the horizon and what lies ahead. My family will always be with me, maybe not there at a moments notice. I keep them close to me, as I do my friends. I am also being trained with more English speaking volunteers, who I will bond with. Of course, it won't be the exact same.

Turning my focus to the future is good, however Zen buddhism has taught me to think in the present. Do not dwell in the past and try not fabricate a future. There is hesitation in me, but little. I will get over my homesickness, and I really wanna hear French and tribal African tongues, and I yearn for that feeling of becoming culturally endowed, and, wondering do I have the mettle to deal with this situation. I know I have the gusto, my joie de vivre will carry me through hard times. Knowing that my family is with me, in a psychic sense, is comforting.

It will be difficult, but it will be a blast. Paradox, that is what many journies are made of. Like Chris Stevens once said, "I feel like my karma's all dressed up with nowhere to go." I know where mine's going: to Africa and to good fortune.